taken by the current

You know, I am falling in love with Amsterdam. I know it's not reality what I'm experiencing, or well, it is reality, but this is not how Amsterdam is all the time. I know that. I know everything new and exciting doesn't feel that way forever. That's why I like it. I like the fact that right now, today, this morning, I felt light and strong and confident and happy, because I am here right now. And in a few hours I will be back in Elsendorp, with the cat and the unfinished painting. And that's fine.

I am actually constantly falling in love with everything - I keep getting caught up in things and loving it.  My life could never possibly be any better than when there is a total lack of daily grind. I hate walking. But when I'm enjoying my seriously unpredictable days, I enjoy walking so much. This morning was like that. I met with my sister for a quick coffee at Screaming beans, to have a final milky coffee before it's back to espressoville and to see Stell because I hadn't seen her for a while. After that, I decided to go to the Bijenkorf to get a sleeve of the new Nespresso flavour to take to Elsendorp and try it out and I happily walked from the Hartenstraat to the Dam. It was a lovely spring morning, sunny, mild, with a slight crispness.  The Dam was being cleaned very throughly, as today is the 4th of May, a memorial day here in Holland, and the queen will lay her annual wreath at the monument on the Dam, in respect to those who died during WWII.
The Bijenkorf was still closed unfortunately at 9.30, so I decided to go back to Phiroze's and get ready to go home. He's driving to Germany today and dropping me back home, we were meant to leave at 11 am.  However, his MacBook Pro has got a glitch and he was on the phone to AppleCare all night, didn't get to bed until 5.30. He has very wisely decided on another hour of sleep before he needs to drive all day.

Which leaves me the time to write, like I was dying to do on my way back from town, I had to take a different tram than usual because of roadworks and had to walk the last bit, which took about 10 minutes. It was really nice to be in transit mode, alone. The thoughts that were driving me completely up the wall a week ago are welcome friends again. Spending 6 days with a friend who so completely understands every word I say, even the words I don't say, has completely restored my sanity.  The laughs, the silly jokes, the midnight hours of being lost in conversation have rebooted me. I can restart and go back to my chores.

I feel slightly melancholic this morning,  but I'm enjoying it. I like that I have these emotions, about saying goodbye to Phizz and not knowing when I will see him again, about going back to a taxing chore, about leaving lovely Amsterdam, about going back to espressos. I know that it's ok to let this whirlwind, kind of out-of-control feeling take me, it will be gone soon and I'll be back to normal. I feel like those floating elm seeds that Amsterdam is currently covered in, it gives the impression of snow and they dance and swirl on the wind, some moving in time with one another for a while, before being blown apart and whooshing away. Amsterdam is a giant snow dome, it's magical. And I am just one of those tiny little floaties, just enjoying being swirled, happy to be on the same breeze as Phizz for a little while. I am currently a little sad about Phizz whooshing off to infinity and beyond, but I know I will soon be totally cool with being alone again and grateful for having had the time together.

Last night we went to the movies, again (Phizz is a bit of a movie addict) and we really enjoyed watching Arthur, with Russel Brand, one of my favourite comedians. After the movie I went to the toilet, and a post-it note was stuck to the toilet roll holder. It said: 'You are amazing, and you can be whatever you dream of. xxx A'. It really was a great thing to find in such an unusual place and I considered taking the note and putting it in my notebook to look at every now and then. But then I realised I do not need that note, I know that I am amazing and can be whatever I dream of already. So I left it for somebody else and decided to start carrying a post-it notepad and start leaving such notes every now and again too. Then, while I waited outside the toilets for Phizz, I saw this girl, who very happily showed her friends that note, she had found it and taken it. Seeing her enjoy finding that note was more satisfying than taking the note myself.

Well, time to keep swirling. I'm following Jamie Woon's advice: 'Come on and flow, wherever it takes you.' ...Elsendorp, I guess.