Dead air

Hi team. Did you miss me? Probably not. I did miss you. Very much. But you know, I just had to prove to myself that I could not talk about myself constantly for a week. And it turns out I can. It's hard, though. And you know what? It's boring. I guess I just like talking, and sometimes, when nothing else is happening, and because I am just a humanly human after all, I talk about myself. So be it. Phizz was right when he said I was right. I'm not forcing anyone to read this blog. I don't follow people in the street to tell them my life story. I'm not that bad. It's your choice to click your way to this page, and I thank you for doing so. Turns out, you make my life nicer. So thanks.

It's been a seriously boring week. Not just because of the not blogging or posting my status on Facebook every few hours. That's been ok. It was hard the first few days, and I tried writing in my journal instead, but that was just a jumbled mess of random very ugly thoughts. Really, for the first time I tried to write a very honest journal for just me, without an audience in mind. I even put a password on there to assure myself that this was private writing. But it was such terrible writing. Like I said, ugly. I wasn't trying to be witty or charming. I was not trying to be cute or funny. I was just trying to be deadly honest, but it turns out, I was just tearing myself apart and examining my insides and they were just not pretty. Or even interesting!  So then I even stopped writing my journal. I have hardly written anything at all this week. And I have felt really boring. I guess I will just admit that I need you, my (imagined) reader to write anything even remotely nice or interesting. I need to know that I am being read. Even if it's just by my trusty Phizz. That's cool. I'll just continue as before. He copped it when I stopped writing my blog last week, because he had to listen to me going on about my existential crisis and being all mopey and hard on myself. I'm just not fun when I'm like that. So, if I am more fun for my friends and family when I write a blog, then why the hell should I stop? It's just cruel! To them and to myself.

So I'm back. And it feels good. I'm sorry if you've felt neglected. I did think about you. Heaps.

Do you want to hear about my week? Really? I spent most of it sitting right here, on an office chair instead of on this dining table chair. I was kindly given some paid data entry work by a very good friend, because truth be told I am dead broke. That happens when you don't have an actual job. I mean, I did work, I worked my arse off, but not paid. And life, even a boring one, still requires you to pay for stuff. And an exciting life even more.
Anyhow, so I set myself up here at the dining table with my trusted Mac and some tunes and off I went. But within hours my back and shoulders were killing me. I have not really spent hours behind a computer recently, and especially not on a dining table chair. So Mum suggested I just sit at the other desk in her office and use a desk and a desk chair. But that felt too much like working in an office. I like this spot. Plus I like listening to music and my mum hates constant music, so I wanted a bit of space between us so I could play my tunes. I don't think I could have gotten through this week without music. It amazes me that my mother prefers silence over some nice music. It makes driving, for example, so much more fun. Soon we'll be driving to France and it'll be in silence. I so wish I could play some seriously good albums while driving. The Killers - Day and Age. Brilliant driving album.

Anyway, I digress. I better get this written quickly, because since I started, my mother has come downstairs, it is Sunday morning, and I got up early (ish) to write, while my dear friend Emily who is staying here was still asleep, which she is not anymore.

It's now several hours, quite a few croissants, some bacon and eggs, and a coffee with some of Mum's friends later and I wish I had managed to finished what I was writing before all that. But it was fun.

I think I was talking about my boring week, during which I entered data most of the time. It turns out that sitting on a proper desk chair is actually much better for your back than ordinary chairs when you're behind a computer for hours...one day the weather was nice enough for me to move my 'office' outside onto the deck. That was nice. I know lots of international dialling codes now. So I guess I learnt something other than when you need to sit behind a computer a proper chair makes all the difference. Such exciting things to learn.

What else? Oh I learnt what my weird 'exercise allergy' really is! I think I might have mentioned that I have a bizarre allergy that first started two years ago and it only happened when I would walk, but not every time I would walk. And then randomly I started having it at the gym every now and then, but not every time I go. So very strange. I break out into terrible hives, very large, very itchy spots all over my face (including my lips!), shoulders, arms and chest. I look like I've just been attacked by killer mosquitos. It is called 'exercise-induced anaphylaxis' and is a combination of eating a certain food, and then exercising! Totally bizarre! But now I have to find out what food it is. I got a terribly allergy attack at the gym on Wednesday night after having a stir-fry for dinner. Commonly it's wheat, but I know it's not with me because I ate crackers on Thursday before going to Zumba and I got nothing. So there was something in that stir-fry that causes my allergic reaction, but it will only occur if I exercise after eating it.  If I eat that food and just read a book after, nothing will happen. Isn't that odd? It's quite rare, and it's also very rare to get the hives on mostly your face. Of course, I have to have an allergy that is totally weird and random.

Another few hours later, it is now almost 6 pm and I've just done an experiment on myself, regarding my other allergy: strawberries. I've been allergic to them all my life: I break out into a rash. But Mum is growing them in the garden and picked some and put them on the table where Emily and I were sitting for Emily to eat. They looked tasty. I decided to eat one, to see if I'm still allergic. That was nearly 45 minutes ago and I am fine, I do have a slight itch, but that could be anything. Or it could just be because I am paying attention to whether anything is itchy. So I just ate another 3. Strawberries are nice. I like them. It would be great to no longer be allergic. The things I could eat!

Anyhow. Emily just left. It was awesome to have her here. We had a lovely night last night, with nachos and home made salsa, board games, chocolate cake, the wood heater going. I look forward to seeing her again soon when I'm in Amsterdam. Won't be long. Phizz is coming by to pick me up on Tuesday and then we'll go to the Hague to organise a visa for him, and then we'll be in Amsterdam for a little while. It'll be great to be back there, drink real wonderful milky coffees and hang out with my sister at Screaming beans, try a dance class at the Amsterdam Dance centre, catch up with some mates. I so wish I had a bicycle I could ride there. Amsterdam is all about bikes. And it's free to ride a bike, whereas you have to pay for trams.

Well. That's that. I think I'm done now. I am still not strawberry itchy, which is great. Could I just have traded one allergy for another?

Dead Giveaway & Big Head

So, today I have been struck by an enormous amount of self doubt. Hit me right between the eyes.  Suddenly I wonder what the hell I've been thinking and why. I think I might have gotten a bit of a big head! I used to be very insecure, but I worry that now I've gone a bit too far the other way. I am quite convinced I can do quite a lot of things, which I know to be true, but do I praise myself too much? Do I come across cocky? I have been quite vocal about all the things I've achieved here around the house, climbing on the roof, emptying out ponds, sorting out the electricity. And I've been quite proud of myself. But suddenly I am really worried that I am too full of myself. And if there's something I find quite unattractive it's people who constantly talk about themselves, and in way that they think they are the best. And I'm scared I might have turned into such a person! Eek!

Where is a healthy place to be with your self confidence? I have no idea! Where's good? What's normal? What do you say, when do you keep your trap shut? I am such a talker! Same with me writing this blog. I go on and on and on, and granted, I am not forcing anyone to read this, but it is a bit self-absorbed, no? I am constantly publishing myself here!  Constantly talking about myself. Why? Why do I do this? It's really not working in my favour much, actually. I should just write this for myself. Because often when I speak to people and I tell them something about myself, they tell me they know because they read it on my blog. Instead of letting people contact me to see how I'm going, all they need to do is go on the internet and there it is, for all to see. I am constantly shooting myself in the foot here. I am so liberal with showing my friggin' complicated emotions. I should just keep them to myself. Who wants to hear my blabber about random thoughts I have? And the stupid thing is, I am still going to hit that 'publish' button down the bottom of the page in a minute when I'm finished. Because I am a slave to my own stupid big head. And I still hope people will read my blog. I do hope people enjoy reading it.  I publish my ramblings because I hope they can see that I'm only a silly human and perhaps feel that they have the same feelings as I do at times, and know that perhaps it's all normal. I don't know. I also keep a private journal. You don't want to read that. I don't even want to read that. It can just be such a mess in my brain that all I can do is just dump the whole load of weird random thoughts into a journal and hope it stays there. Not that it ever does, but it does help. This helps too.

Maybe I will stop writing a blog. Maybe I will just keep all my crap to myself. And perhaps then I won't be so loud with my feelings. I know I am. I wish I wasn't. Imagine the turmoil in my head if this is me keeping it normal. Sigh. I think I might just go play with my iPhone now and shut up.

Thanks for reading and putting up with me. I don't know how you do it. I obviously struggle with it myself.

Florence Finally has an iPhone

I couldn't deal with it any longer. My mother has had an iPhone 3 GS for a year now, and the poor thing barely gets used. Phone calls, diary, address book, emails occasionally, maybe Facebook once in a while. That is IT. Poor little wonderful machine could never shine to its full potential. And it hurt me see how much could be done with such a brilliantly smart phone, and how little it was used. I had hopes that Mum would start using all its lovely apps and fall totally in love with it, as it's so easy to use. But no. She thinks it's ok, yes, it is easy to use, but she didn't need all those apps and stuff.

Truth is, I have been of the opinion that despite my dear mother being a wonderful person, she was not really appreciating her iPhone and giving it the life it deserves. I decided that I would be much better at caring for it. That I would love it more, so much more, and use all its fabulous features and pat it with appreciating when once again it has provided me with convenient information in an amazingly efficient way. I have been dreaming of an iPhone for at least a year. I couldn't get one back in Australia on my plan. And so I got the Nokia. And well, we all know how I feel about that "?&*%#! Nokia. And many, many times have I wished my Nokia would turn into an iPhone overnight. It never happened.

A few days ago, I had had enough. Mum's poor iPhone needed to be loved. I could hear it crying at night time while we were in Denmark. Often, I would hear my Mum mention something she wish she knew or figure out, and I would hear her iPhone say 'I have an app for that!' with a hushed voice filled with excitement. But no, Mum would get the actual phone book/use her pc/etc. I couldn't bear it anymore. Poor iPhone was suffering. Had been suffering for so long.

Mum agreed she didn't really need an iPhone. And that I did. That its beautiful multi language keyboard would be perfect for my bi-lingual world. There is no phone easier to write several languages with. Just to mention something I would love it eternally for. Just one of the many, many things.

So, today I took Mum out and told her she could choose a new phone and I would from now on show her iPhone the love and affection and appreciation it rightly deserves. And so it went. She chose a new HTC Wildfire, which I paid for, and I got her iPhone. Her phone took several hours to set up, and is still not completely sorted. Despite that, I think it's a brilliant phone. But for me to set up the iPhone as my own took barely any time at all. It is now fully mine. And totally loved. My MacBook Air and my iPhone (my iPhone! YAYAY!) are fully acquainted and are currently chatting like old friends and understanding each other as if they were made for each other. Oh wait, they are. I loves it!

I have so far received my first text message from Phizz. It was amazing. I can't wait to use all its wonderful brilliant features that I have missed on my iPod Touch. And before you start, I shall keep my iPod and love it the same as I always have. iPod and iPhone can be friends.

Anyway, my dear readers, I cannot believe I finally own an iPhone. Today is a great day. Oh, hang on, it's after midnight. Yesterday was a great day. Now, I need to go to sleep and put my iPhone away. That will be hard.

Goodnight, friends. A happy iFlorence signing off. x

Last Danish Day

I didn't finish (or Danish, hahaha!) the post yesterday, as I got caught up in finding the right pictures to go with it so here is the start and then I'll finish (or Danish) it today:

Well, just a few more hours and we're home bound. It's been a lovely few days here in Denmark, though slightly cool weather wise, the welcome has been nothing but warm.

A lovely lazy Sunday afternoon yesterday, complete with nap and a Skype chat with Phizz, then a delightful dinner by candle light, a delicious dessert and then chocolates after.

Couldn't help myself, had to get into the dessert before the picture was taken...

We have ben very spoilt here at Emma's. Sad to have to go home and look after ourselves again!

I have made it my mission to always have a welcome email waiting for Phizz whenever he gets to a new hotel, and this morning I one-upped it by making sure that he was passed an actual note when checking in, since I knew which hotel he's staying at. I've been feeling slightly smug about surprising him like that all morning, because I know how much he likes surprises. I smiled every time I imagined his reaction when being given an actual welcome note. I love surprising people. Unfortunately my poor mother was surprised during the night with a severe attack of the common house cold variety, which I hope to avoid catching...She is now sniffling and sneezing away. Poor Mum!

Today the kids had to go back to school, but since Sam was suffering from a bit of Asthma he was lucky to stay home, or rather, come to a magnificent castle with us. We had a beautiful drive through the Danish countryside and then arrived at the stunning Frederiksborg Castle. I was so impressed by the vast rooms and the very ornate decorations - the Great Hall is very aptly named.

(the following is written today:)

It was really cool at the castle, though Sam, who has been there more than once, was not so into it but he was quite a patient little boy. He did enjoy seeing some big lion sculptures and I dared him to put his hand in its mouth - and he decided he was so brave he dared to put his finger up its nose...(Emma caught it on camera here.) Four year old boys love a dare and I should have known that!

I enjoyed hanging out with kids again so much these last few days, they are so much fun, but at times they did remind me why I do not want to be a full time nanny anymore!

We had a lovely lunch at the castle's restaurant before we had to pick Ruby up from school. The last few hours before our departure were spent being entertained by a fantastic band made up by Sam in a Scooby Doo costume, and Ruby and her friend who both had several costume changes. I cannot explain how adorable it was (and how much it hurt our ears...)

We had a very smooth trip to the airport, after massive hugs and cuddles and thank-yous at the train station. We hopped on the S tog, got to Hellerup station swiftly, then got to the right platform and had 4 minutes to catch the train to the airport. We still had to check in, as we couldn't check-in online for some reason, but it only took a second at one of those self-check in booths.  We couldn't sit next to each other anymore, but that was ok. That was just a tiny hiccup compared to the next one. We checked in our bags, got through customs quickly and located the cake shop we HAD to visit before leaving Denmark to eat a cake we HAD to eat before leaving Denmark. That was also very successful. After a big lunch at the castle and a lovely afternoon tea with cakes at home, we weren't in need of dinner, so cakes it was. The cake shop, if you're interested is called Lakagehuset (after learning fluent Danish over the last five days (NOT) I am guessing it means The Little Cake House) and the cake you must all eat if ever in Denmark is called Christianshavnkage (Christian's harbour cake, I presume). Delicious. Luckily the strawberry was only decorative and could be removed so I could eat it.

After our delicious, nutritious and healthy dinner, it was time to board our plane home. We were seated behind each other on an exit row each, so not allowed our bags or jackets during take-off or landing. Unfortunately we were not going anywhere for 45 minutes instead of taking off - during which I was extremely bored without my iPod or Mac. It got gradually hotter and hotter in the plane during this 45 minutes, and the delay was because there was a small dent found in one of the blades of the engine. 

After much checking by engineers, it was found we should change planes. So after the heat of the plane, we were back in the cold and rain, into a hot bus, in which we were kept waiting for another 10 minutes, before we were allowed back onto the cold tarmac, where we had to wait to board another plane. This really helped my poor Mum and her dreadful cold get better acquainted! I was only agitated and worried that I would also catch a cold soon.

Luckily we were soon airborne and the flight went fine after that, got to Dusseldorf 40 minutes behind schedule, but got our bags quickly and the bus to the car park was waiting. I propelled our little Kangoo down the autobahn at 150+ km/h to get to our nice warm beds as soon as possible, which took me a good amount of concentration. I kept realising how fast we were going, and telling myself not to imagine what would happen if we crashed at that speed. Tired brain did well. We got home safely.

It was very cold in our house and suddenly we noticed the lights didn't work in the kitchen. A good amount of appliances had stopped working, including our heater/hot water system and fridge. We tried for a while to figure out what was wrong, but were too tired to come to a proper solution. We stumbled into our beds.

This morning, poor sick Mum left early to go work in the shop, and I woke up as I heard her car crunch down the drive. I contemplated going to the gym considering last night's dinner. As a brave little girl I decided to go. It was good, Zumba with the delectable Ben on a Tuesday morning is always a small class, and he always puts in extra steps for a challenge. He's been teaching us new dances and is mixing it up. I really enjoy the variety, compared to the first gym I joined when I got here, I am loving this one: beautiful boys as teachers and heaps of super cool dances!

Coming home all sweaty however, to a cold house without being able to have a hot shower, was a bit of a downer. We called an electrician who quickly dropped by on his was home from something, but he didn't have the right tools to figure out what was going on and promised to return. So it was up to me, as usual, to be the hero of the day. I unplugged and re-plugged all the appliances until I discovered it was the pump for the fountain in the pond that keeps triggering the safety switch. So I unplugged that, and voila - everything else was back in action.

It is now nearly 7 pm and the electrician has not returned. Go figure. I did have a nice hot shower, and blogged for a bit, spoke to my delightful husband for an hour (still can't convince him to get his cute arse over here) and did some washing. All of which would have been impossible without electricity. Also did a supermarket run to replace all the food in the fridge which had gone off, and got some cold tablets for my Mum. I  have not experienced any cold symptoms yet, and I hope I may be spared...I am in excellent health, so that helps.

It's soup and bed for both of us soon. Hope you are all well!

Friending & letting go

So, I'm thirty years old now. I have made and lost quite a few friends in those years. As you will know from previous posts, I am very attached to my friends and need to speak to them on a very regular basis to stay sane. I totally adore my current friends, one of whom I'm happily married to. But the truth is, I could always do with more.

Being a heavily social type of creature, I enjoy nothing more than a good chat with a friend. Serious heart-to-hearts, long hysterical cackles over coffee, total non-sensical in-jokes. 'Geez, I know!' - type of conversations. I love them. One of the things I enjoy is the longer you've been friends, the less your topics need introducing and the more you remember together. I have friends that I can have breaking out into laughter when I text them just one or two words. That is just so awesome. Shared history is something I hold very dearly.

But the thing I find so hard about friends is letting them go. I have made some wonderful friends in the past, whom I'm no longer in touch with. I miss them, and I think of them regularly. I wonder how they're going. I want to speak to them. I am the type of person who will Google an old friend and then email them in the hopes of getting back in touch and continuing something good. I have done this on several occasions, but quite often, I will get no response. That, I find very hard to deal with. It makes me very insecure. And kind of sad. Why do they not want me in their lives anymore? Especially when it comes to people I have been friends with for a very long time whom have recently shown no interest in maintaining that relationship. There are a few people here in Holland I've been wanting to get in touch with, whom have not responded to my emails and/or texts, but who two years ago came to my wedding. I don't know what to do about that - should I just let them go? It is obvious they have no interest in staying in touch. We were friends for so long, there are so many reasons to keep in touch. But I have to let the past stay the past. I know that. Some things cannot be carried on into the now.  I hear my mother's wise advice in my head to just let them go, enjoy the memories, at least you have those.

I think it might be the feeling of rejection that hurts the most. What has changed between now and two years ago that makes me less wanted as a friend? Where did the love go? It's a bit like being broken up with, isn't it? Does it come from my life-long desire to be liked and loved by all?

When do you give up on someone? When do you let go? When do you start seeming desperate?

I know I used to/can still get very full-on. I am the excited-puppy-dog-type when it comes to making new friends. When I meet some I really like, I feel like bouncing around and wanting to play all the time, to ask them a million questions, to get to know them really well.  And then, should the friend be slightly bad at staying in touch, or decide that maybe they do not want to have the same close friendship as I do, I could get a big clingy. But I have learnt to regulate myself. I think I might have been that type of girl once upon a time that you try to shake at a party, who just keeps talking. I don't know, I hope not - and I am much better now. I know that just because someone's not getting in touch all the time that it doesn't mean they don't think of you. But for a long time, I just couldn't keep a lid on my enthusiasm to make new friends. Traveling was great for that - I met new people every day, got to talk to so many interesting people. But none of those I am still in touch with. Nor any of the friends from my early uni days. Or high school. Just a handful from the 30 years I have been alive.

For a long time, that made me sad. I envy people who have a very busy social life, are invited to everything. I would love to have friends call me up all the time to ask me out for drinks or dinner. I struggle when I try and organise something and people don't come. I have a seriously bad track record when it comes to organising parties, with people just not coming. I put in a lot of effort and time, and hardly anyone has turned up. That has made me cry. It makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort. Surely, in their busy lives, people will still want to make time to see me? I feel life gets in the way. Jobs, kids. But I always seem to find time for my friends.

It's been hard in Australia at times. With no old friends to rely on. It often seemed people already had enough friends and were nice to me, but showed no real interest in becoming friends. I only have one friend in Australia whom I met in my very early years there. And I have already spent more than one third of my life there.

I think the whole losing friends thing has made me even more puppy-dog-wants-to-play-all-the-time with new friends because I keep thinking the relationship might be short lived.  I want to cram all the fun in now while I can. Just in case it doesn't work out. Just in case they will be one of those people I'll be Googling in a few years time hoping they might want me back. I don't like seeming desperate. But I don't want to give up on people either. Geez. I'm so friggn' complicated. Maybe that's the problem.

Anyway, enough about that. I love my friends and I am thankful for the ones I have now. Especially my husband, who happens to absolutely love puppy dogs.

ciao. Thanks for reading. x

The first Lazy Sunday

AI'm having a really lovely lazy Sunday, for the first time in ages. Maybe even since I left Australia. Even before I left Australia - the last few weeks before I left there was no lazy Sundays either. I can't remember my last lazy Sunday.

It's a grey, rainy day here in Denmark with spells of hail, but also sun, and we're not going anywhere or doing anything. Just taking it vey easy. We took Ruby to the flea market this morning, and she had 10 kroner to spend for herself and 10 to buy something for her brother (less than 2 AUD). She did very well, she managed to buy a fairly new Barbie for herself, and a Lego robot for Sam.

I've been reading my old blog, though I'm getting a bit over it now - and I might have a nap in a minute. It's really a very appealing idea, sleeping in the middle of the day.


Oh, perhaps I should tell you about Thursday, when we got to Denmark. In the afternoon, after a nice lunch and after picking up the kids from school, Mum and I were kindly dropped at a wonderful modern art museum called Louisiana. It was in such a lovely location, right on the sea front, we could see Sweden across the water. We saw a lot of Picasso, whom, though I respect his work, I am not crazy about. But my favourite artwork was an amazing installation Emma discovered recently and wrote about in her blog and she put a picture up, it is called Gleaming lights of the Souls by Yayoi Kusama.



Then we had a lovely dinner in the museum restaurant, surprisingly delicious and healthy. With a nice view over a piece by Jean du Buffet. It was rather busy in the restaurant, but everyone chose to sit in the busy area with the sea views, so we had a nice quiet spot.

I'm now going downstairs to find my nice cozy bed for an afternoon nap. Bliss.

old blog

I realised that my old blog, which I started writing in 2003 and abandoned in 2009, is still up, and I've spent most of today reading it, which is pretty weird. Kind of nice, kind of scary, kind of boring, too. I mostly ranted about meeting and being with Ash and moaned about having to deal with my Masters.

But there were some sweet entries about an amazing summer I had early 2004, when I first met Simon and I had a Norwegian friend Sverre who was doing the Masters with me and the three of us had some fantastic  times. It was quite a weird time, I had just broken up with my then-boyfriend and couldn't let go of him and then suddenly I found myself with some awesome male friends who completely restored my faith in men, and just when I had decided that I didn't need a boyfriend, that I was happy with just boy friends, I met Ash. It was quite a fantastic six months. But then it gets quite boring with me going on and on about how amazing Ash is and how I'm sure that we'd be together forever. I was right about that, though.  But it doesn't make for great writing. That's when my writing went downhill. I was struggling with my writing and I was way to happy to write anything deep.

Am currently watching Eurovision with my cousin Emma, it's appallingly hilarious as usual. It's nice just lounging on the couch with the tv, it's been a while since I last watched tv. We attoe some lovely chilli in front of the tv, really nice and relaxed. It's beautiful being here and just feeling comfortable and away from the stress of getting the house ready for its photo shoot. We didn't do too much today, Mum and I visited a nearby open air museum with lots of lovely restored farm houses from all over Denmark during the last few centuries. It was nice to be outside, though I have to say I wasn't too motivated to trudge around this ginormous outdoor museum, because I was so tired. Kept yawning. I think being on holidays is making me realise how hard I've worked and how much my body is enjoying a break. I'm sleeping like a baby here, too. It's lovely.

I do look forward to getting back and not having to go straight back into working on the house. Granted, stuff has to be done still, heaps of stuff, but the urgency has gone a little, which is nice. And I intend to go back to Amsterdam for a little interlude and catch up with Em and Renée and I have plans to go see Mary Poppins with Mel, hopefully we can still do that before our free ticket stops being valid. Will organise all that when I get back to NL. Enjoying Denmark right now. Sleep and family. Happy times. It's great to see   Emma and her kids, gorgeous little Ruby and Sam, whom I spent a few days looking after two years ago when they still lived in London and I was there when Ash had to work in the London office.

It's so nice to be here.

Squuuurl!

I just saw a squirrel! After a beautiful meal of Dutch imported white asparagus with Danish ham, potatoes and eggs,  and the lovely company of our British relatives, Mum and I went for a little stroll to the nearby lake, which had some very large impressive houses on its banks.

Then, on the way back, we saw a squirrel cross the road and run up a tree, and then it just sat there looking pretty, so we looked at it for a while, while it looked at us for a while. Of course, Mum took quite a few pictures of it. 

After a day in down town Copenhagen, I have to say that the squirrel was the most exciting thing I've seen today. I'm just not really a city tripper. I like cities better when I know them. I do not like being a tourist. It was quite devastating being at Amalienborg Palace this morning with my mother to see the changing of the guards, as she was just being a complete tourist with her camera, and the crowd of other snap-happy tourists I just did not want to be a part of. There is something about the cluelessness and obviousness of tourist that makes me cringe. I don't know why. People are curious, there is nothing wrong with being ignorant about places you haven't been before, but I don't like being ignorant.

But anyway, the changing of the guard was interesting enough, but it isn't something I would spend half an hour watching. I did it anyway, though. The guards all looked like they were barely out of high school. The most amusing thing about the whole charade were actually the policemen who were controlling the crowds, they were all real comedians, one by one. The one closest to me would ask everyone where they were from and then when he met some French people he said: 'Oh, you should stick around, because on Fridays we always execute some French people to entertain the crowds. Pity you weren't here yesterday, Thursdays we do the Americans.'

After the changing of the guards we walked to famous, touristy, yet pretty Nyhavn, and got rained on. I had consulted a Dutch website about the weather which said it was going to be 17.5 degrees and sunny. But it wasn't either of those...we decided to grab some lunch at Magasin du Nord (Danish version of Myers/Bijenkorf) on the top floor, which was really nice. We had some traditional Smørrenbrød, pumpernickel with local toppings, quite tasty.

After that we took a boat tour, saw the statue of the little mermaid, who has just returned from China's World Exhibition. She went there stone and all, sat in a little basin of actual water from the Copenhagen harbour, and people stood in queues for 8 hours to see her. In her absence they had erected a screen here, displaying her live in China. Well, live, obviously she wasn't actually moving much, but I guess the crowds were, or something. She's also lost her head two times in her life, and to prevent that from happening again, her third head is filled with concrete. Wonder if she ever gets headaches.

We had a nice coffee when we got back, and decided that five hours was enough to spend in Copenhagen, so we trained it home. We'd done a lot of walking and were quite tired. I have to say I was quite pleased to go back to my cousin's place, as like I said, I'm just not really into cities. I prefer cruising the countryside. Which is what we're doing today! Hopefully, if the weather is nice enough...

Done

I'm not going to write for long, as I have an early morning ahead - leaving at 7 to drive to Dusseldorf airport to fly to Kopenhagen, where my second cousin Emma lives with her family. I've never been to Kopenhagen and I'm super excited - I've always wanted to visit Scandinavia.

Emma's got some cool plans of things we can do, even visit Elsinor Castle - isn't that where Hamlet lived? Awesome! I am so hyped about going to a country I haven't been to before. I'm sure it's really beautiful. I would have loved to have driven or taken the train, but would you believe flying is the cheapest?

But let me tell you briefly about today. We got up fairly early, had a cup of tea and some breakfast, and then we knuckled down and readied the house for its photo shoot. We had it all looking tidy and stylish with no clutter whatsoever by 12:54 - the real estate agent was due at 1pm! Luckily he was a little late and therefore we had a moment to eat some lunch on our lovely little deck in the sun.

He was very impressed by how much the house has changed since he first came to see it 6 months ago. My sister, my mum and myself have worked our butts off to get it to its current state. Painting, tidying, organising, gardening, refurbishing, moving furniture - it all has lead to a very successful metamorphosis. I feel very proud of what the three of us have achieved.

But the truth is, this house is beautiful, it's wonderful. I looks fabulous now. I do not want to say goodbye to it. I love this place. But hopefully the next owners will love it equally.

I will post some pictures soon, probably next week when I get back from Denmark, on Tuesday. You may or may not hear from me over the next five days, depends whether I will find time to blog over there. Of course I am taking my lovely new Mac in my lovely new Tom Bihn bag. Time for a well-deserved holiday! Woo! (Another one! Lucky me!)

'Nite lovely readers. x

Words

Writing is not a chore for me. It's a pleasure. It's just a pity I don't get around to it at night when I want to report what's been going on. It's only since I've been in Holland that I feel like writing again, that I feel the urge, and need to use words like tools. It thrills me to the core that writing has taken back its rightful place in my heart. You see, we had a nasty breakup and it totally devastated me.

As you might or might not know, I have a Masters Degree in Creative writing, before I which I obtained a Diploma in Professional Writing and Editing. And I'm going to go back to uni to start a Masters in Communication, with a focus on book publishing. So you might gather from that that words are pretty important to me. But about halfway through my Masters, my words broke up with me, they just packed up and vacated my life leaving a gaping hole and a missing I cannot describe. It really was like being deserted by someone you love. I experienced severe heartbreak and struggled through the rest of my Masters alone.

Words used to come to me with such power and force that I had to write, otherwise my head would explode. I used to carry a notebook at all times. Poems just came poring out of me. I felt comfortable with my words, it was a happy marriage. And I thought they would be my future. I was convinced that I would be a writer, making money with my words. I thought they would always be there for me. But when they went, I lost all my confidence. I will not call it a writer's block. It wasn't that, it didn't feel like that. I didn't feel blocked. I felt freakin' empty. And it hurt.

I started writing in my early teens, a release for my over-active imagination, a place to let my emotions run wild and do their thing. Words really were there for me through my adolescence, I could always express my feelings in a journal, or a story. I have many stories I wrote back in my teens and they are shockingly bad. Really terrible. I cannot read them - too cringeworthy. But they were a stepping stone. A path I knew would always lead me home. And I thought that perhaps, I could make money doing what I loved. Slightly naïve, I know.

I really enjoyed my two years doing the Prof Writing course, I had moved to Australia, started uni, made friends, it was an amazing time. I did spoken word performances, was really into poetry, and found my love for young adult fiction. And good god, I learnt so much about writing, about style and building stories and everything important I needed to know.  It inspired me tremendously to talk to my classmates about writing, to workshop our pieces, to get to class and leave the room so much richer. Two years were way too short. So then my teachers and I figured that I could perhaps try the Masters, another two years of study which would also allow me to stay in Australia.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I had no idea what a Masters was, I had no idea what I would really be doing, and how. It just sounded like a good option. Had I been properly informed, I would have chosen another course. The Masters was by research, which meant no classes, but just me and my laptop at home, a meeting with my supervisor once a week, and a monthly workshop with my classmates. I lost all my support there, and it was me and my crazy thoughts and insecurities at home. I had to write a creative piece and an exegesis, which is sort of like a thesis but you compare your creative piece to other published works and that was a freakin' nightmare, as it had to be written in academic English, which I had never learnt to write. The combination of solitude and the challenge of writing something I had no idea how to write and kept being told it was wrong, that's what drove my words away. They felt they weren't good enough. They couldn't do it. They were pretty and imaginative, they were lyrical and flowing. None of that is allowed in an exegesis. I was so not ready or educated enough to do a Masters and I feel RMIT uni has only ever accepted my application because I was an international student and paid lots of money. I had no support there, no Mum or sister or anyone really, who could support me emotionally. It was so hard. That's when my words went. And I don't blame them, not anymore. I was asking too much of them. I was asking too much of myself.

And I felt so alone. I wrote tons of breakup letters to my words. Begged them to please come back. Not to leave me with this task I couldn't complete without them. I did complete it, though. After a six month extension, I handed in an exegesis I felt no love for, no pride, just resentment and disappointment. My creative part of the Masters, a novel in free verse for young adults, was the easy bit. That was the fun bit. But it took me no time at all. Then, I had to fiddle with it and edit it endlessly, and I started thinking it was bad. I couldn't read it for years. It all left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

So, after several failed attempts of entering the publishing world professionally, and with no confidence at all and no words on my side, I gave up. I gave up on words being my friends, my source of income. I felt seriously angry about it all. The amount of energy I had put into it, the love I had felt for it, the money my mother paid to make my dream come true. It was all in vain. But I felt that maybe, it would come back one day, that I would write again.

And then I became a nanny, just because people told me I was good with kids and I needed to make money. A happy job, with room for imagination. It's something that comes very naturally to me. I love kids. They are so easy to talk to, they love stories, they love imagination. I felt happy again, felt like I was doing something useful with my time. And my creativity came out in other ways than words, I made bags, sock puppets, cards. I called my little design ideas 'Two for Joy' - after a nursery rhyme my friend Simon and I always took to heart, and it also meant something to me because I've been quite into the band 'Counting Crows' and it's in one of their songs. To me it was always about crows because of that, but supposedly it's about magpies and it goes as follows:


One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.


Si and I always have looked for a second crow, whenever we see a lone one. I just read on wikipedia that if you see a lone crow people used to say 'I defy thee' three times! 


Anyhow, I gained the confidence that I would one day return to writing. And here I am. I love writing again. It's not all back to the way it used to be, but I feel happy about my words returning. I will not give up on them again. I have lived and learnt since then. And gained some grey hair, too. 

beat

Geez, I am totally wiped out. No energy for anything, so much I want to do. I want to organise my iPod of which I've made a mess. I want read my new science book. I want to write some cards to friends. I want to write in my private journal, I want to write this blog. I want to cut and polish my nails (kind of pointless since I'll be getting paint all over them again tomorrow) and I want to listen to some new tunes. To name but a few.

I want to write here and be witty and smart and charming and totally blow you away with my words and wisdom. But that's so not going to happen right now.

All my body wants is sleep. I'm dead. Painted all damn day. Boring as. Luckily my new Tom Bihn bag arrived today and provided a nice interlude for me during which I moved all my stuff into it and enjoyed its pretty pouches.

The cat was pretty happy with the delivery too.

I shall make a new attempt at writing tomorrow. This just ain't happening. Sorry!

Not easy as Phi

Another busy day gone. And still more work to be done. Wednesday the real estate agent is coming to take the pictures. The house has got to be spotless and ready then. We have a deadline, and it's coming closer!

I spoke to Phizz on Skype yesterday, and it was nearly as much fun as hanging out in person. He left on another long trip today and won't be back for quite a while. But thankfully there is Skype. He told me something funny. Well, he nearly exclusively tells me funny things, but this one really cracked me up. And it kind of pissed me off too!
To save time and to multitask, he gets his Mac to read stuff to him while he does other stuff. There are several computer voices you can choose from, and the one he likes is called Alex. He gets Alex to read my blog to him. When I found this out, I felt weird. It's me here, writing this about my life, and Alex does not suit my writing or my life. I don't like Alex reading my blog! I don't know Alex, I don't trust him! So, if I can, I read my blog to Phizz myself. So yesterday, Phizz hadn't read my blog yet when we spoke on Skype, and he told me that when I write 'Phizz' Alex pronounces it Phi-zea-zea. PHIZEAZEA?Phi's easy? Fyseazea? Of course, this had me in hysterics. But then Phizz said that when I read my blog to him and call him Phizz, which is, you know, HIS NAME (well, actually, it's not, it's my name for him, but still) it sounds wrong to him. I sound wrong reading my own blog using the name I made up for him? What the? That took the cake: Alex is banned. If you let my blog be read to you by a computer voice, make sure it can read...hahaha! Phi's easy. Tsk. No, he's not, actually. He's fairly complicated and intriguing. Alex doesn't know what he's talking about. Or does he?

Anyway, it got fairly late because just like a naughty child who doesn't want to go to sleep, I tricked Phizz into two rounds of 21 questions and 3 clues, despite the fact he was tired and had stuff to do.  Oh, and he sent me a link to a very cool slow motion video of mosquitos being killed by lasers, because I was being attacked by one. I need a laser, it seems.

Then, today, in addition to being covered in mozzie bites, it was mother's day. Or mothers day, whichever. I wrote emails to all my mothers in Australia - I have quite a few: my two mothers in law and all the mums whose kids I look after. I had also gotten my own mother some flowers on behalf of my sister and myself yesterday, and we also wrote a card promising tickets to see a contemporary dance performance by our favourite choreographer William Forsythe called Bill & Mr. B. It doesn't go on sale until the 1st of June, so we couldn't get the tickets yet. We're all very excited about going, especially together.

We had tea and breakfast together on the deck, as it was already lovely weather in the morning. It was splendid to be together, just enjoying a lovely sunday morning. Then we had company for coffee, some of Mum's friends came past to say hello. Suddenly there wasn't much time for chores anymore! But we had to get into it, with a deadline looming.

After emptying out the pond yesterday, we relined it today, put the pebbles I cleaned yesterday back in, then the water plants, then the water. It went surprisingly quickly in comparison to emptying the damn thing, plus it was a lot less smelly! (I will upload some photos of it tomorrow, it's too late now.)

Then I hung some more curtains, which is more work than it seems. First I had to mount the new rail to hang it from, then I had to iron the curtains and shorten them to the right length, and then they had to be hung.  The result is pretty nice, though, the house is starting to look better than it ever has. I wish we could keep it.

Stella and I also did some more painting, the inside window frames upstairs are now nearly all white, but need another coat. Boring stuff, yeah.

Ooh, something that's not boring, was the delicious dessert my mother made yesterday! It was a minty mango delight - with, you guessed it, mint and mangos! It's mixed with greek yoghurt and cream, plus some honey. Totally delicious. Very summery, too.

Ok, I better go, I am writing this in total darkness, we've been enjoying the hedgehog show, we locked the cat inside and then we saw two hedgehogs today,  But now it's really dark and unfortunately the MacBook Air does not have backlighting behind the keyboard and I'm pretty tired so it's a bit of trial and error with typing the right letters. Am especially struggling with the letter i. So I better get into the shower and then into bed.

G'nite. x

Body

I just got back from my Saturday morning double whammy at the gym. Body Jam followed by Zumba, it was lots of fun. My face is still bright red. I really enjoy working out, especially dance workouts. I think it's amazing what my body can do. I love the energy you can get out of a good cardio class. But I also love that your body wants to dance - it just knows how to move to a rhythm. Mine does, anyway. The less I think about what my feet are doing, the more they make the right steps. Dancing is a blissful thing, best not to over think it.

I also like the fact that besides the fact that it's fun, it's what your body needs. It deserves to be looked after. I know so many wonderful lovely people, who care so much for other people, who make sure that others eat right, are looked after, loved, appreciated, but who do not do the same for themselves. Your body should be loved the same way. Think of all it does for you! The amazing things it can do! It fixes itself! It can go so fast! It can balance on almost any surface! I hate to say it, but a body is even better than an Apple product. It deserves your love and care.
I look after my body very well - I wish everyone did. I eat well, a good mix of healthy plus a small dose of indulgence. Don't deny yourself food you love. If you eat bad stuff in moderation, you will hardly ever crave anything. Do not use scales. Go by your favourite pants - do they fit, are they comfortable? Then you're fine. I do not know how much I weigh, haven't go a clue. All I know is, I like that my tummy isn't bulging, my butt is nice and round but not too wobbly, and I love my waist. I think my body is lovely right now. I like that I can eat heaps of yummy bad foods, because I go to the gym and work it all off and enjoy doing it. And when I don't go to the gym, I know that I will just gain a little weight and go back to working out later. All fine. Lunch at home generally includes three raw veggies these days: cucumber, tomatoes and capsicum. They are my favourites, I eat them just like that, crunchy and fresh. Yum. Bit of avocado too. Delish.

I love food. I really do. I love everything about it. I like that it's a ritual. I like sitting down with a lovely person and talk and eat and share. 'Taste this!' 'Have a bite!' 'Dig in!'  are my favourite things to hear when there's food in front of me. That and 'I love you!' I can hear that any time : ) My kids used to tell me they loved me quite often, just out of the blue. Gorgeous. I miss that. I do not hear 'I love you' very much right now. I miss you, honey, and I miss my lovely friends. Lucia, Sherrie, Simon, Phizz, Em, Renée, Mel! I love you! All of my lovely big extended family, I love you! Mum (happy mother's day for tomorrow), Stella, I love you!

Oh sorry, I went on a bit of a 'I love you' rant while talking about food. I love you, food!

Anyhow. I wish everyone looked after their bodies well. Loved their bodies enough to give it what it deserves. Good nights sleep, healthy and yummy food, exercise, cuddles. Do not smoke. I don't understand smoking at all. Do not drink too much. It hurst your brain! Do you not like your brain? Your brain is also super amazing! (Hey Phizz, check me raving about science right here! Biology is science, right?) I love what bodies can do. It's so nice to look at and to be in a lovely healthy body. I love going to dance performances or acrobatics like Cirque du Soleil. Those super beautiful moves, those lovely strong muscles. Amazing. And that combined with music. Love it.

So please, my dear readers, dance regularly, eat right, love heaps. Look after your body. Love your body. It does so much for you. Same goes for your Mum. x

On tracking parcels and pondering ponds

Well, as promised, I made myself useful today. This morning seems a million years ago and I'm trying to remember what I did.

Oh yes, one of the first things I did was check how my parcel was going. You see, Phizz ordered me my first (most likely not my last) Tom Bihn bag, to carry my lovely new Mac around in and my usual useful gear. Or so he says. I think it's just another sneaky attempt to turn me into another Phizz. But that's ok. I don't think he'll succeed, there's no way I will ever wear a tool belt every day, nor will I ever bungee jump. Sky dive yes, bungee jump no.

So, I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my lovely olive and cork Imago bag, plus some extra geeky accessories like little clip-on pouches to keep things organised, and velco straps to tie cables with.  Oh and special key straps. I love it! Check out the inside (these are not my colours, though, the ones above are):

And I was sent a tracking number to see how my bag was traveling, so this morning I saw it had arrived in Eindhoven, which is only half an hour away from here. I got very excited, assuming it would arrive today. But then I noticed it said 'On hold' and that the status was that it was waiting for  a release after the 'inklaring.' Now I may speak Dutch, but I had no idea what that meant, so I called UPS and spoke to a lovely guy there who said that it meant that customs had not released my bag yet and that it would be delivered on Monday at the earliest! Please note mail gets delivered here on Saturdays too. Customs! Check out how many places my bag has passed through without trouble, before it made it all the way to Eindhoven only to be held by friggin' customs:

Now, this looks slightly similar to Phizz's travel schedules, but it I don't think he gets scanned quite so often...
But I beg of you, what on earth could be the reason they need to hold my bag for 3 days? Only to teach me patience, must be. Of course, my Mum said that it's modern technology that's to blame here, because without it I wouldn't know that it was so close. I would just receive my bag when it arrived and be happy with it. Fair point.

So, knowing that my bag would not be delivered today, I decided to join my Mum to get some new lining for the pond, as it's started leaking, and some more flowers for the garden. We also went to the supermarket, and bought some fresh white asparagus from the farm for tomorrow when Stella's here. Yum. As we drove back into the village, a big UPS truck came driving past, and my heart jumped thinking my bag might have arrived after all. But no. Just a reminder that it's NOT here yet.

Then after lunch, I started organising the garage, where I found that a mouse had taken residence in a car-emergency case that has been in the garage for years. As I moved it, the poor little mouse came flying out and disappeared in a heartbeat. I have tidied its house so well, it's gone. Sorry mouse, after organising my mum's, my sister's and Phizz's places, I just didn't feel like it.

Then it was pond o' clock. It took forever to empty, and we just don't have enough vessels to retain all the water in, so we used a lot of it for watering the garden. It took a very long time and I got very muddy. Check me out:

Sexy boots, huh? Oh, you're looking at my chicken slippers. Yes, those are sexy too.


Anyhow, we didn't finish emptying the pond until after dinner. Then I hung some curtains, including removing the old rails and putting up some new ones. Not quite done yet but I think I can call it a day.

I just spent some time writing this outside on the deck with my Mum, waiting for the hedgehog to show up, which it did. Of course, the cat just couldn't let that hedgehog mosey about her garden, so she picked a fight with it. She just can't leave it alone. The hedgehog just rolls into a ball and waits for the cat to leave it alone, then it walks off.  Hedgy is not at all fazed by angry old Catface, but it does tend to not come back for a while.

That black thing next to the bowl is a metal ornamental lizard, which Hedgy is also not worried about. Nor is the cat, for that matter. 

Well, it's 10:45, I still need a shower, then I might go to bed as tomorrow it's double whammy at the gym in the morning...and then another weekend of chores around the house. Fun times. But Monday I hopefully get my bag and then Thursday Mum and I are off to Copenhagen to visit my cousin Emma! I can use my Tom Bihn bag right away, woo!

Night all. x

Men

So, let me tell you, today I have been mostly useless, and completely unmotivated. I thought a holiday was supposed to give you energy, and I thought I would be rolling up my sleeves this morning and get straight back into the tasks at hand. Not so much.

First of all, I slept in until almost 10, something that would have come in handy the last few mornings with Phizz sleeping in and me being wide awake at 7. But no, today was the day. Then, I had made a Skype date with some of my beautiful kiddies back in Australia, whom I chatted with for ages, I showed them all around the house and the garden, since a MacBook Air is so light and easy to carry that it was easy to do a bit of a run-around. The girls loved meeting my cat, and they kept wanting me to show them where she was. Of course, the cat was less than impressed to be followed around by a laptop with loud little voices coming out of it...Then I read them a bedtime story - Dinner with Fox. It was great being able to read to them from the other side of the world. I do miss those little happy kiddies. Cheeky little things.

Then, after that, I made my Mum coffee, she is in the shop on Thursday mornings, so I make her a proper coffee here with our Nespresso machine and then I walk around the corner to the shop and have a coffee with her. When I got back, it was already nearly lunch time and I decided I would have just half an hour to sit on the deck in the sun and start reading a book Phizz gave me and insists I read: The beautiful basics of science. That is a point of difference between Phizz and me, he is a serious science geek, whereas I am only interested when it's in my face or involves food I love. He actively seeks it out and the enthusiasm with which he explains things to me makes me smile. I know a lot more about satellites now than I did a week ago. But I love the science that goes into making a perfect cup of coffee, and loved learning about the science of making wine when Ash and I were in the Barossa valley two months ago.

Anyhow, I sat for maybe 20 minutes, with a keen eye on my computer hoping to speak to my husband whom I hadn't spoken to for a week. Eventually he finally came online and we had a lovely chat. It's nice catching up with him and talking about the normal things back home like his work and the house. It was good to see him, though he was quite pixelated, he is still a lovely thing to see. A cuddle would have been better though. I really love that man.
Let me tell you something. It hadn't really occurred to me until it was pointed out to me by the man in question, but last weekend I went on what could have been considered a romantic weekend away, with a man who is not my husband. I've been writing about Phizz in my blog a lot, too. To me, this is totally not an issue. That my new amazing friend just happens to be a man is a coincidence. The chance of that being the case is 50/50, yeah? So I hadn't thought of how any of this could have been perceived by anyone. You know why that is? Because I know that it's just not anything Ash would worry about. He knows me. He knows I love him in a way that is everlasting and serious and I know he is so the right man for me, that's why I married him. And what I do with other men really isn't a problem because I don't want to do anything other than friendly things with them. Ash knows that. And I really don't care what other people think, they can think whatever they like. There is a new amazing person in my life at the moment who I think about a lot, so I write about him. If Phizz were a girl, I would still write the same things.  This blog is about what's going on with me right now, and right now it's a wonderful new friend. I love making new friends, it's a big deal to me. And my love for my wonderful husband is something that is well established, something that is not on my mind right now, but is always in my heart. It is what lets me be this happy, even when I'm away from him.

The fact that my husband is totally cool with me going away with another man on a lovely island escape is something that makes me love him more. I know plenty of people who wouldn't be so cool with that. But one of the things I love about Ash is that he provides me with a freedom that is infinite and makes me super happy. He loves my free spirit, my adventurous nature, the way I express myself - he respects and supports the choices I make. That is just so freaking awesome. You should see the way he looks at me. Nobody could look at me with more love in their eyes. Nobody. I don't feel anyone could possibly love me more or make me happier. He rocks and he is mine forever - I feel blessed.

I just browsed my wedding web album to find these photos and it's lovely to see those pictures. It was an awesome day. Best party I've ever been to. Check out the album here.

So, I am a lucky girl. I have a wonderful husband who loves me endlessly and I have a wonderful new friend who understands me endlessly. I know a husband can't be all a woman needs, I don't even think I would want him to. I love that I have friends who can support me when I am not around Ash, and I don't get that upset about the fact that he doesn't always feel the need to communicate, because I can communicate with my friends. Ash doesn't come from a family where they talked about their feelings very much, so it can be hard for me to try and talk about my feelings, because often he just doesn't know what to say. But that's fine. As long as we tell each other the important things, I can talk to my friends about other things. All good.

Anyhow, the rest of the day I did manage to do a few useful things, helped Mum get rid of the rubbish, we went to the tip, and we got rid of all the paper that needed recycling (here you need to bring your paper for recycling to big containers that come to the village once a month) and that's about it. Tomorrow I will be more useful. I hope.

taken by the current

You know, I am falling in love with Amsterdam. I know it's not reality what I'm experiencing, or well, it is reality, but this is not how Amsterdam is all the time. I know that. I know everything new and exciting doesn't feel that way forever. That's why I like it. I like the fact that right now, today, this morning, I felt light and strong and confident and happy, because I am here right now. And in a few hours I will be back in Elsendorp, with the cat and the unfinished painting. And that's fine.

I am actually constantly falling in love with everything - I keep getting caught up in things and loving it.  My life could never possibly be any better than when there is a total lack of daily grind. I hate walking. But when I'm enjoying my seriously unpredictable days, I enjoy walking so much. This morning was like that. I met with my sister for a quick coffee at Screaming beans, to have a final milky coffee before it's back to espressoville and to see Stell because I hadn't seen her for a while. After that, I decided to go to the Bijenkorf to get a sleeve of the new Nespresso flavour to take to Elsendorp and try it out and I happily walked from the Hartenstraat to the Dam. It was a lovely spring morning, sunny, mild, with a slight crispness.  The Dam was being cleaned very throughly, as today is the 4th of May, a memorial day here in Holland, and the queen will lay her annual wreath at the monument on the Dam, in respect to those who died during WWII.
The Bijenkorf was still closed unfortunately at 9.30, so I decided to go back to Phiroze's and get ready to go home. He's driving to Germany today and dropping me back home, we were meant to leave at 11 am.  However, his MacBook Pro has got a glitch and he was on the phone to AppleCare all night, didn't get to bed until 5.30. He has very wisely decided on another hour of sleep before he needs to drive all day.

Which leaves me the time to write, like I was dying to do on my way back from town, I had to take a different tram than usual because of roadworks and had to walk the last bit, which took about 10 minutes. It was really nice to be in transit mode, alone. The thoughts that were driving me completely up the wall a week ago are welcome friends again. Spending 6 days with a friend who so completely understands every word I say, even the words I don't say, has completely restored my sanity.  The laughs, the silly jokes, the midnight hours of being lost in conversation have rebooted me. I can restart and go back to my chores.

I feel slightly melancholic this morning,  but I'm enjoying it. I like that I have these emotions, about saying goodbye to Phizz and not knowing when I will see him again, about going back to a taxing chore, about leaving lovely Amsterdam, about going back to espressos. I know that it's ok to let this whirlwind, kind of out-of-control feeling take me, it will be gone soon and I'll be back to normal. I feel like those floating elm seeds that Amsterdam is currently covered in, it gives the impression of snow and they dance and swirl on the wind, some moving in time with one another for a while, before being blown apart and whooshing away. Amsterdam is a giant snow dome, it's magical. And I am just one of those tiny little floaties, just enjoying being swirled, happy to be on the same breeze as Phizz for a little while. I am currently a little sad about Phizz whooshing off to infinity and beyond, but I know I will soon be totally cool with being alone again and grateful for having had the time together.

Last night we went to the movies, again (Phizz is a bit of a movie addict) and we really enjoyed watching Arthur, with Russel Brand, one of my favourite comedians. After the movie I went to the toilet, and a post-it note was stuck to the toilet roll holder. It said: 'You are amazing, and you can be whatever you dream of. xxx A'. It really was a great thing to find in such an unusual place and I considered taking the note and putting it in my notebook to look at every now and then. But then I realised I do not need that note, I know that I am amazing and can be whatever I dream of already. So I left it for somebody else and decided to start carrying a post-it notepad and start leaving such notes every now and again too. Then, while I waited outside the toilets for Phizz, I saw this girl, who very happily showed her friends that note, she had found it and taken it. Seeing her enjoy finding that note was more satisfying than taking the note myself.

Well, time to keep swirling. I'm following Jamie Woon's advice: 'Come on and flow, wherever it takes you.' ...Elsendorp, I guess.

Sun/funday

So,  now it's Monday and we're back in good old Amster of the damned. Judging by the piles of rubbish that still disgraces the streets, it was a righteous crazy mess here on Queensday. We're quite pleased we were on a tiny island with no cars rather than here.
We've since had an amazing time up North, staying two nights at a beautiful little inn called De Greate Pier in Kimswerd (Friesland). Here's me enjoying a coffee in front of it this morning:

They served us a beautiful breakfast both days, too generous for even two food-apreciating people such as Phiroze and myself! Home baked breads, eggs, fruit, croissants with local honey, yoghurt, sugar bread, ham and cheese, lovely butter - even nice cappuccinos! 

Yesterday we slept in. Actually, Phiroze slept in while I played with my Mac. Turns out Phorize can sleep through anything (including the Vlieland marching band on Saturday), and we didn't sit down for breakfast until 11. We decided to hit the road towards Lelystad to visit the Batavia replica. We took a nice drive down to Hindeloopen, a cute little village on the IJsselmeer where we had a look around. We saw lots of boats, some sheep and even little ducklings!

Then we cruised on down to Flevoland, a lovely drive with beautiful weather (once again) and some great tunes. Don't tell anyone but we were both singing along to some seriously bad 80s pop. For a road trip, we've had everything going for us: a great car, freeway with new 130 kms speedlimit, fabulous company, great tunes, a fully functioning navigation system, lovely scenery and brilliant weather.
Flevoland is a part of Holland reclaimed from the ocean, where we visited a replica of an old 17th century ship from the Spice Routes. They are also very slowly building a replica of another 17th century ship.

After the ship, we had some late lunch/early dinner and decided to take the long way home, via both big dikes and our friend the 130 kms zone. Our car really liked going fast, so we kind of let it...

We got back to the inn around 8, where we decided that it was movie night. With plenty of Apple products to choose from, we had soon set ourselves up and watched The Kids Are All Right, which we both totally adored. Then, for the hell of it and because we could, we watched Chloe, which we found quite entertaining but not as good as the first movie. 

After the movies we were both still very awake so we had decided a few more rounds of 20 questions were in order.  It turns out we're better when it's 21 Questions and three clues. It was soon 3 am again, and the fits of laughter might have kept up a few of the other guests, but we hope not. There was also a throw rug on the bed which had some serious static action, so like the two geeks that we are, we just had to charge it and watch the sparks fly. It kept us entertained for way too long.  I had blue bolts coming out of all five of my fingers when I touched it, though, how could I leave that alone?

Then, way too fast, it was Monday morning, and after a fairly short sleep Phorize's 4 alarm clocks woke us up (well, I was already awake, and a certain someone wasn't), it was breakfast time. Our lovely hostess told us the legend of Greate Pier while we indulged one more time with gorgeous pastries and breads. Then, sadly, we were home bound. 

We got to Amsterdam around midday, where we returned the rental car, bought (finally) a suit (sleeve) for my MacBook Air and had some lunch. Now, once again, it's Mac central. Phizz is booking his trip to Germany for Wednesday, and I'm blogging. Actually, I'm done blogging now. See ya!