Dead Giveaway & Big Head

So, today I have been struck by an enormous amount of self doubt. Hit me right between the eyes.  Suddenly I wonder what the hell I've been thinking and why. I think I might have gotten a bit of a big head! I used to be very insecure, but I worry that now I've gone a bit too far the other way. I am quite convinced I can do quite a lot of things, which I know to be true, but do I praise myself too much? Do I come across cocky? I have been quite vocal about all the things I've achieved here around the house, climbing on the roof, emptying out ponds, sorting out the electricity. And I've been quite proud of myself. But suddenly I am really worried that I am too full of myself. And if there's something I find quite unattractive it's people who constantly talk about themselves, and in way that they think they are the best. And I'm scared I might have turned into such a person! Eek!

Where is a healthy place to be with your self confidence? I have no idea! Where's good? What's normal? What do you say, when do you keep your trap shut? I am such a talker! Same with me writing this blog. I go on and on and on, and granted, I am not forcing anyone to read this, but it is a bit self-absorbed, no? I am constantly publishing myself here!  Constantly talking about myself. Why? Why do I do this? It's really not working in my favour much, actually. I should just write this for myself. Because often when I speak to people and I tell them something about myself, they tell me they know because they read it on my blog. Instead of letting people contact me to see how I'm going, all they need to do is go on the internet and there it is, for all to see. I am constantly shooting myself in the foot here. I am so liberal with showing my friggin' complicated emotions. I should just keep them to myself. Who wants to hear my blabber about random thoughts I have? And the stupid thing is, I am still going to hit that 'publish' button down the bottom of the page in a minute when I'm finished. Because I am a slave to my own stupid big head. And I still hope people will read my blog. I do hope people enjoy reading it.  I publish my ramblings because I hope they can see that I'm only a silly human and perhaps feel that they have the same feelings as I do at times, and know that perhaps it's all normal. I don't know. I also keep a private journal. You don't want to read that. I don't even want to read that. It can just be such a mess in my brain that all I can do is just dump the whole load of weird random thoughts into a journal and hope it stays there. Not that it ever does, but it does help. This helps too.

Maybe I will stop writing a blog. Maybe I will just keep all my crap to myself. And perhaps then I won't be so loud with my feelings. I know I am. I wish I wasn't. Imagine the turmoil in my head if this is me keeping it normal. Sigh. I think I might just go play with my iPhone now and shut up.

Thanks for reading and putting up with me. I don't know how you do it. I obviously struggle with it myself.