Hey crew! How's your part of the world? Here it's finally warm again, except of course, that it's been raining so much with so many thunderstorms that it's not really been great for getting a tan or sitting outside with your Mac writing your blog. But you know, that's Holland and I still love the place.
I have to say that my looming departure is in many ways making me feel all melancholy and weepy. In other ways I am jumping up and down with excitement, mostly to see that gorgeous smile on my husband's face, feel his super warm cuddles and enjoy our everyday in-jokes that wouldn't make sense to anyone but us. There are many things to look forward to in Australia. One of them, of course, the weather.
I can't believe it's been nearly six months that I've been here. Time just goes so incredibly fast. Have you ever noticed that the older you get the faster it goes? Children have so much time to themselves to do whatever they want they often complain of feeling bored! Not to mention the amount of 'I'm bored, inbox me' status updates I see on my teenage friends on Facebook. I remember when I was a kid and used to tell my mum I was bored she would exclaim:"Enjoy it, child, I wish I was bored!"
That's one of the facts of life, and to quote the brilliant song Sunscreen by Baz Luhrman, "Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded." I wish I had enjoyed my youth more. I spent so much time worrying about what others thought of me that I let define me. I just wanted to be liked. Wish I had known the magic trick to being liked is liking yourself. I still find that hard sometimes. I am seriously crap at reassuring myself that I am a nice and kind person, and often let myself believe I am constantly letting people down.
I am afraid I do not have enough emotional maturity. In truth, I wish I was still 23 physically because often that's how I feel emotionally. I do not feel like someone who is nearly 31. I like the life experience I have, and I like the life I lead as a 30 year old, but I don't feel ready for the emotional strains of this age. I don't feel ready to worry about my mother's health and ponder her mortality. I don't feel ready to lose friends to their babies. I don't feel ready to have spend 6 years living with constant renovations and a mortgage.
I was quite late with a lot of things. I started drinking coffee at 21. I started drinking alcohol at 28. I learnt how to drive at 24. I feel like my life has only just gotten good and now I feel too old to enjoy it. All I would now love to do is go out every night with friends and have fun. Not get drunk or behave like idiots, but just be out and enjoy life. Instead back in Australia I spent nearly every night with my husband on the couch watching tv. That's not how I want my life to be like anymore.
(By the way, the weather has just seriously turned violent, we're inside a thunder cloud right now, it is dark as night, rain is flooding our terrace, the thunder and lightning are frightening the cat, the drain in the kitchen is making gurgling noises as the rain is flooding the sewerage! I have not witnessed rain like this in ages. Amazing how there was a dry spell just as I made coffee for my mother and delivered it to her at the local shop where she volunteers!)
Since I have gotten to Holland I haven't watched any tv. I watch series online, in my own time without advertising and just the things I choose to watch. Nothing mindless or dumb. My friend Renée got rid of her tv recently. Most of her friends told her she was crazy. I told her 'good for you!' She now enjoys reading books and listening to music, or even, god forbid, have conversations with her beau! To be truthful with you I have not missed watching tv at all. I can get whatever I am interested in from the web, the news, documentaries, tv series, films. It's all there, on demand. Why put up with advertising? The only reason I used to watch so much tv is because my husband does. He can watch tv and read the paper or browse the web at the same time!
But one of the reasons I don't need tv is because I read so much. I love to read. Books are my movies, my tv. I much rather curl up in bed or on the couch with a good book than watch tv.
(Funny: the cat was meowing by her cat flap, as if she wanted to go out, but it 's crazy wet out there, so I opened the door for her to have a look. She quickly turned and walked away! Now she's just gone out through her flap and ran under the cover over our terrace where she's walked around, looking grumpy because it's flooded and wet there, too. She's now back inside complaining loudly, and jumped up on the chair behind me demanding cuddles. She's all wet. Silly cat! Though the storm seems to have passed.)
My husband doesn't, and many other people don't, enjoy reading as much as I do. Some people find it hard work, it's not relaxing for them. But watching tv requires little physical or mental effort, and a lot of people find it relaxing. To me, it's the opposite. Stupid tv and ridiculous advertising totally wind me up, I often yell at the tv. Who says that smooth and shiny hair is healthy hair, for example? Surely that is not the natural state of human hair? How many chemicals are in a product like Pantene that we don't need to clean our hair, but is in there just to make it shiny? Most advertising is lies anyway. Washing your hair with Pantene is only going to make it look like in the ads if you had your hair styled at a salon every day.
See how tv is not good for my brain? I waste so much time getting riled up over things that really never need to be worried over. Like shampoo ads.
So, I would rather go to lots of dance classes, and go out for drinks with my husband and friends at night. However, it's hard to find friends to go out with for me.
Anyway, sorry, I've gone off on a bit of a tangent.
It all boils down to this: What am I doing with my life and why? I keep asking people's opinions because I value them, but I still don't know what my own opinion is. Have I grown up at all?
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